The 1L Serenade

I didn't write this... but it was one of the funniest thing I have read in a while. Thanks, Mr. Gunderson.


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The 1L Serenade

By Michael P. Gunderson

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When you need a break from studying Torts,

Just come on over, and pull off my shorts.

I won't be Neglectful as I caress your booty,

And I promise I won't stick it where you make your "Duty"

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There will be some hair pulling, and a whole lot of biting

I'll work you harder than that memo you did in Legal Writing

You'll want to take it slowly, so that we can last all night

But I'll be so eager to violate your Due Process Rights

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Issue, Rule, Application, Conclude…

I'll eat you girl, like some delicious food

Come join me in bed, we'll mutually assent

I'll put a ring on your finger, and pay all your rent

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After a long night of cramming, nothing makes me hotter

Than bending you over and knowing the difference between murder and
manslaughter

Those other guys in your section, they're just a bunch of jerks

Now pull out my Palsgraf…and I'll give you a real package of fireworks

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Now take off your shirt, and bring out some lotion

Girl I'm going to give you a taste, of my Rule 12(b)6 Motion

Gaze at me lovingly, look lustfully into my eyes

Now grab all my cases, and click, "Shepardize"

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Your heaving rack, its more than I can stand

It's hard to control, my Learned Hand

I can't keep it in, I've got quite a load

My unit is so big, its governed by the Uniform Commercial Code

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I want to plow your fields, ride you like farmers ride their tractors

Dinner and a movie are going to be our mitigating factors

We'll bring it back to my place, and really raise the roof

I won't stop lovin you girl, until we've both met our burden of proof.

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So heed this poem, you know you are my obsession

I wanna engage your chest in some adverse possession

This is an open invite, of indefinite duration

You are always welcome to come over and grab my statute of limitation.