Alf's Home Planet

February 22, 2006

USC hires a security officer to be around whenever the law school building is open, which is like seven days a week, 18 hours a day. I understand this might be necessary late at night or on weekends, but I think the guard gets pretty bored on weekday afternoons. There probably just isn’t much for him to do. Well, the other day, I saw the guard off in a corner of the third floor of the library, using a computer. I think he might have been looking at porn because he quickly closed his browser and looked back at me when I walked by. If he really was on duty and getting paid for looking at porn, then I am going to drop out of law school and becoming a security officer at the Gould School of Law, because apparently that’s the greatest job ever.

One of my favorite things about the Super Bowl is all the random prop bets you can make online. Usually, they consist of things like “Will Shaun Alexander rush for more or less than 92 yards?” or “Will the first pass thrown in the game be a completion, incompletion or interception?” My favorite bet this year, however, was “What color sports drink will be dumped over the winning coach?” I took yellowish, and won a cool seven bucks.

The sign at the Hermosa Beach Car Wash proclaims that gift certificates for car washes are “Great Valentine’s Gifts.” Ladies, maybe we could take a poll here, but somehow I doubt it.

I woke up last night to a car alarm going off at about 3 AM. I was a bit worried because I remembered I had left my Ipod out in plain site in my car, I thought about going downstairs to investigate. Then I remembered that I don’t have a car alarm, so it couldn’t have been my car being robbed. For some reason, this was enough to put my mind at ease and me right back to sleep.

After South Korean Ahn Hyun Soo beat American Apolo Anton Ohno in the 1000 meter short track speed skating event at the Olympics this year, Kim Jung Kil, the president of the Korean Olympic Committee declared, “Now we know which country is superior.” OK, that’s weird, because I thought our vastly dominant economy, or maybe our nuclear weapons, would count for something, but apparently world superiority is based solely on short track speed skating.

I just heard an interview with the singer Pink on a radio show this morning. Apparently, she doesn’t swim in pools at night because she is afraid of sharks.

The other day, one of my friends made the comment to me that “for a law student, you sure go out and party and stuff a lot.” I’m not sure if that is a compliment or not. Either way, I was definitely proud.

OK, when you are done reading this, you have to go to this website. http://www.sonnyradio.com/chrisbliss.htm

This might be one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. Just trust me. Watch it. I like it so much I’m thinking about downloading the song that accompanies the performance. I don’t like the song, it just reminds me of watching the video. I like it that much.

I went to a restaurant the other day and ordered the fruit salad as a side with my club sandwich. My “salad” consisted of cantaloupe and grapes. I think that there should be some sort of formal governing body for restaurants that try to advertise things on their menus, like the FCC controls TV and radio or the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms controls, well, alcohol, tobacco and firearms. I imagine if a governing body did exist, however, one of their first enactments would be to require more than two kinds of fruits to constitute a “fruit salad.” Because really, that’s just false advertising.

This year, at the NBA All Star Game, a seven foot tall player won the three point contest and a five foot nine player won the dunk contest.

I have an old email address that I only check rarely (like once a day) and gets almost exclusively junk email. Today I was about to delete 15 pieces of spam when one title caught my eye. “Free Quizno’s for a year for filling out a survey.” Yeah, it’s a contest, and I probably have like a one in ten thousand chance of actually winning free sandwiches, but you better believe I filled that one out.

When I filled out the survey about sandwiches, it asked for me for my birth date, including the year. The pull down menu had the years of 1906 to 2011 listed. Nice to know that surveys.com is prepared to be ready for people born five years in the future to use their website.

Remember that show ALF? I spent half of my Constitutional Law class the other day trying to remember the name of his home planet. Mernac? Melnac? Can anybody help me out on this one? This has been driving me absolutely crazy.

At the NFL scouting combine, where players work out for teams to determine where they will be drafted, the NFL administers a test called the Wonderlic. It’s a basic intelligence test, where questions start easy and get progressively harder and is graded on a 0-50 scale. The average score for a player at the combine is 19. The average score overall — hundreds of corporations use the Wonderlic — is 21. A score under 10 is an indication of literacy problems. Texas QB Vince Young scored a 6. Yes, I’m still bitter about the Rose Bowl.

The Women’s Law Association at school is holding a raffle to raise money for some woman related cause or something and offering, as a prize, tickets to a Lakers game. On their flyers they advertised the tickets by emphasizing KOBE and the Lakers vs. the Spurs. I found that kind of ironic. Oh, the admitted adulteress and accused rapist? Yeah, you can win tickets to watch him, courtesy of the Women’s Law Association.