The only time I'v ever failed to wash my hands at a bar

I went to a bar in the south bay the other day and had an unfortunate experience. This particular bar happened to have a single person bathroom with a lock on the door. There was a single, unenclosed toilet sitting next to a sink across from the entrance. Immediately next to the door was a small divider behind which a urinal sat, unseen from the entryway. I went in, and, realizing I only needed to drain my lizard, didn’t bother with locking the door. I was fairly drunk, and I don’t think I immediately comprehended the fact that this place (which was a pretty big bar) actually had a single person bathroom.


I was happily peeing away behind the wooden divider when I heard the door open right next to me. Some dude came in and I could hear him click the lock shut. I probably should have said something to alert him to my presence, but I held my tongue, figuring he would see me and realize the bathroom was occupied.

Unfortunately, I watched in horror as this poor young man proceeded to immediately throw down his pants and let loose a disgusting and powerful shit, one that I could hear the water splashing, probably hitting his butt cheeks in a truly gross fashion. He didn’t even look up and notice me until after he had finished his first round of what I can imagine were pretty gnarly chunks. I was mortified with embarrassment. And, as you can imagine, he was twice as embarrassed as I.

I tried desperately to look as far away from him as possible as I zipped up and quickly exited the bathroom, not even bothering to wash my hands. And when I got out, there was a girl waiting for the girl’s toilet, who could clearly tell that I had been in the bathroom with another dude. Just a bad experience.

And I swear that’s the only time I have ever failed to wash my hands in the bathroom at a bar.