I'll Take One, Please

The F6 key on my keyboard is bent and threatening to come off. This is odd, because I can’t remember ever using the F6 key and have no idea what function it might have.

I don’t know how to iron so much as I understand the concept.

My good friend recently informed me that he occasionally takes what he calls “drop and goes.” He said that every once in a while he will take a dump and realize it was such a clean transaction that wiping just wasn’t necessary. I don’t know about most people, but usually I figure it’s always a better idea to just make sure it’s dry instead of chancing it.

My back was really hurting me the other day, to the point where I was having real trouble bending over and reaching for anything. So when I got ready for bed, I decided not to remove my socks and just wear them to work the next day. My plan was thwarted, however when I woke up the next morning and realized I needed to take a shower.

What is it with Latino guys and mustaches? It’s like they are the only race that didn’t get the memo that no one born since 1980 wears a mustache.

I really think they should discourage women who play beach volleyball professionally from keeping their maiden name when they get married. Otherwise you end up with matchups like Treanor-Walsh / Rogers-Lambert versus Lambert-Corzon / Statner-Myers.

The Mini Mart & Liquor on Overland sells bananas at the rate of 39 cents each or three for $1.50. I’ll take one, please.

I have no idea what the difference between mild, medium, and sharp cheddar cheese is.

I was driving the other day when I saw a license plate that said “LFNTLVR” I quickly deduced that it meant “left nut lover.” As I contemplated why a person would prefer one of his testicles over the other, my buddy in the passenger seat informed me that the vanity plates in question most likely stood for “elephant lover.” That actually made a lot more sense.

To the person who cleans the bathroom at the EZ Lube on Sepulveda in Culver City, I salute you. I was pleasantly surprised to find such a clean lavatory.

It’s a little known fact that Barack Obama was the wide receivers coach for the Syracuse football team in 1993.

I totally made that last one up.

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and if I take a shower with a girl she will emerge with incredibly clean boobs.

A shit ton of hot dogs they have eaten

I watched the Nathan’s hotdog eating contest this year, and I found three things the announcers said that really amused me:

1) when Kobeyashi threw up a few hot dogs at the very end, the announcers wouldn’t say throw up or puked, but called it a “reversal”- as in “he had a reversal of fortune.”

2) the announcer, completely straight faced (sounding), called the competition a dogfight.

3) the somewhat overzealous announcer said that when Joey Chestnut beat six time defending champ Kobeyashi by consuming a ridiculous 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes was “the greatest moment in American sports history.”